So, i once again sit contemplating suicide, blade in hand. It would be a relief, I wish i were strong enough to do it. But i dont know if i am. I want it so much. I never recovered from my own past, Grandad was my favourite person in the world but i think i coped with his death. Then greg, someone i wasnt so close to, his death broke me right down. Then Lisa. Her death i couldnt even hope to cope with. I dont know if i ever will. It certainly seems to have lead me to this point. So, on anti-depressants again. Blade on wrist. AGAIN.I really want to give up. Its what i want, i want to sit here with tears rollin down my cheeks and i want to kill myself. But im too scared. How stupid is that? What is there to be scared of? What people will think? Il be dead, not really sure that should matter to me. I wish for death. I wish i werent. I wish for le fin.